“Wait, Rainbow, start over,” said Twilight. “Slow down. Gilda’s back? Does anypony know that? The last time she was in town we nearly had a riot! Rarity got trampled trying to protect Derpy Hooves!”

“She’s not really in town!” said Rainbow Dash. “I told you! She was in the Everfree Forest, lurking around trying to get some hot pony action! And that’s not the craziest part, either!”

Twilight was blinking rapidly as thoughts raced through her head. “I suppose the Everfree Forest might be an appropriate place for Gilda…”

“She’s in love with Fluttershy!”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. She stared at nothing. “Guh…”

“Rainbow Dash, you broke Mistress!” accused Trixie. “Trixie thinks you did that on purpose!”

“It’s the truth!” said Dash. “I know it sounds weird, but it’s a griffin thing, they play really rough. I still have a little but seriously badass scar on my tit from doing Gilda extra well. And don’t you remember, Fluttershy totally kicked her ass and that’s, like, foreplay for griffins! She can’t even help it, all she wants is Fluttershy now! It’s kind of a relief, she’s really hard for me and Applejack to handle.”

Twilight made a sour face. “I’m not sure I believe it. What does she want to do, pick flowers? Feed bunnies? That seems extremely implausible.”

“She wants,” said Rainbow Dash impressively, “HOT PONY DICKINGS.”

Twilight Sparkle twitched. She stared at nothing again, her eyes pinpoints. Her ear twitched.

“Huh,” she said.

“Well, she does,” protested Dash, but Twilight wasn’t finished.

“Heh. Heh-heh. Hee. Hehehehe… heeheehaahahahahaha…”

“Oh dear,” said Trixie concernedly. “That laugh again. At least Spike isn’t here to hear it this time.”

Twilight twitched, and came out of her trance. “Trixie! Back home at once! We’re going to prepare a wonderful gift for the happy couple!”

Trixie blinked. Then, she smirked. “Oh, you…”

Rainbow was glancing hectically back and forth between them, and then her eyes bugged out. “Oh my gosh!”

“I’m sure Miss Gilda will have no complaints,” said Twilight, fighting back mad giggles and almost succeeding.

Rainbow’s wings had pomfed to a fully erect position, and she looked stunned. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh. But she’d never agree to do that… but oh my gosh Gilda would just explode, she’d go insane… but Fluttershy’s a vampony, no matter what Gilda did to her it wouldn’t kill her… that would be outrageous, the… AAAHH!”

“What?” demanded Twilight, for Dash looked suddenly horrified.

“You can’t! Don’t give Fluttershy a magic bit, she’ll fuck Gilda and Gilda will go crazy on that huge thing and she’s gonna bite Fluttershy!”

“No, she won’t.”

“She will! She can’t help it when you do her that hard, she claws and bites and if she bites Fluttershy that will make her a vampire griffin! That would be horrible!” squeaked Rainbow Dash. “Okay, kind of awesome too. But do you trust Gilda to be a nice vampire? ‘Cos I know Gilda real well, and I kinda love her even, but I don’t trust her to be a nice vampire! What would fangs on a beak even look like? You can’t do it, Twilight!”

“That’s not what I meant,” objected Twilight. “I said, she won’t. Fluttershy will never go through with it. Don’t you remember how much she hates using a bit and doing the stallion thing? She’s never ever done it and she had plenty of chances!”

Trixie made a face. “Has so.”

“What?” blinked Twilight.

“You’d remember, if it had been shoved into you,” winced Trixie. “Trixie forgives you, but ouch! Don’t you remember the very first magic bit, the cursed one, that turned all of you into stallions and compelled you to service Trixie? Trixie will never forget that awful moment when it started to wedge in. Do you think she was a vampire already, then?”

“Oh, Trixie, I’m sorry,” said Twilight. “You’re right, she did, but that was a powerful compulsion spell the first bit cast! We had to figure out how to destroy the curse, the ones we make now are fine. Fluttershy could use one in perfect safety… but she won’t, I promise she won’t.”

Rainbow’s face was scrunched up in worry and perplexity. “Then… why do you want to give her one to use on Gilda?”

Twilight trotted over to put a foreleg around Dash’s shoulders, companionably. “You of all ponies should understand. It’s a prank! You know, fun? It’s funny. I just want to see the look on her face, okay?”

Rainbow shot her a glance. “Oh. Heh. That’s ridiculous! Yeah. Right, Fluttershy will crap little vampire-apples, that’s just perfect… but wait a minute. We still can’t do that, Twilight. Pinkie Pie would be mad at us. She got real mad the one time I was fixing to prank Fluttershy. She said Fluttershy is way too sensitive. Isn’t that obvious?”

“Pinkie Pie, who’s obsessively in love with Fluttershy and probably always was?” suggested Twilight. “Being protective of her ‘ultimate straight mare’, so sweet and delicate and fragile?”

“Yeah, your point?”

“That straight mare we now know is an unkillable vampire with dark arcane powers who can compel ponies and animals and withstand any kind of physical or magical attack unharmed? Face it, Rainbow, if she could take an alicorn deathbolt point blank, nothing is ever going to kill her. And she’s known all the time, hasn’t she, and never said a word about it?”

Rainbow boggled. “Um, yeah. Now that you put it that way, Fluttershy doesn’t seem all that fragile and delicate anymore.”

“Yeah, I can vouch that she’s not exactly fragile,” said Twilight wryly. “I guess it’s just as well, but she took my immortality and my wings and didn’t even end up with a sniffle on her side of it. Being overprotective of Fluttershy is an absolute crock, and probably not good for her.”

“Wait, SHE turned you back into a unicorn?” squeaked Dash.

Twilight and Trixie exchanged hasty glances. Not that many ponies were privy to the full truth of what had happened to Twilight… or exactly what Twilight had tried to do, only to have Fluttershy interpose herself.

“Something like that,” said Twilight. “It’s a long story. In the end it all worked out as it should. Let’s just say I was unleashing a devastating magical attack, and Fluttershy got in the way. It didn’t even give her a scratch. Um, the magic part at least.” Being impaled through the heart with an alicorn horn counted for at least a scratch, but that hadn’t killed Fluttershy either. It had only turned her sulky and petulant.

“Oh my gosh!” said Dash. “Did you kill whatever it was you were attacking, in the end?”

Twilight considered what she’d been attacking: the notion of an irresistibly powerful wicked alicorn of Chaos, seducing and subverting everything including Princess Celestia. How naive she’d been! How shocked and saddened she would have been, to learn that Chaos was only old Discord in the end, and that Princess Celestia wasn’t subverted: was, in truth, just a very powerful pony with natural pony drives like Twilight’s own. To learn that the whole enemy she’d been fighting was a mere phantasm, her own screwed-up ideas projected onto an unwilling victim… that she’d come out the other end mortal again, with her ideas of the immortal sexless benevolent Princess Celestia in tatters, and that she’d find herself rebuilding her relationships in alarming but exciting new ways. Even, perhaps, someday, with the maddening Chaos.

“Yeah,” said Twilight. “Yeah, I killed it.”

“Woo!” cheered Rainbow Dash, and hoof-pumped in celebration. “Okay, so if Fluttershy can do all that, I think you’re right. It’s probably not good for her to treat her the way we do. We gotta put some self-confidence into that pony! But wait, even if we do prank her, we still can’t let her fuck Gilda. I’m telling you, if Gilda took that huge crazy Flutter-cock she would flip out. Even if it didn’t hurt her just from bigness alone, she’d claw and bite Fluttershy, so she’d still turn into another vampire! We can’t do it.”

“You know she wouldn’t go through with it,” repeated Twilight. “It’ll never happen. But it’ll be the funniest joke ever, just to see the look on her face!”

Rainbow looked skeptical. “Mmmmaybe. Wait, hang on, I know! We’re pretty sure Fluttershy doesn’t actually want this bit, right?”

“Since when has she ever behaved like she did?” snapped Twilight. “I think we can assume that as one of our axioms!”

“So, we present her with the bit,” said Rainbow Dash, “and if she makes a move for it, I can swoop in with super-pony speed and I’ll just grab it and fly off with it.”

Twilight lifted an eyebrow. “And if Gilda is there watching?”

“Then I swoop by her and bop her on the beak with MY dick in passing,” suggested Dash, a twinkle in her eye.

Twilight smirked. “Jealous, much?”

“As if!” boasted Dash. “Okay, a little. I don’t get how Gilda can be not interested anymore in me and Applejack, after the times we had. It’s a relief but it’s also insulting, ya know? She wasn’t even coming on to me, she was just desperate and crazy in love. I guess the power of a good ass-kicking is hard to deny if you’re a griffin.”

“Come on, Trixie,” said Twilight. “We’ve got some work to do.”

“Don’t do this without me!” squeaked Dash. “Seriously! Tell me when you’re gonna do this, there is no way I’m going to miss it! Are you gonna do it today?”

“It’s getting late,” said Twilight. “How about tomorrow? No, wait, we’re going to be in Canterlot. We might have to wait until tomorrow just to make the bit, we’re expected in just a few hours! The day after that? Meet us here, and you can go over first and check that it’s a good time for the prank.”

Rainbow smirked. “A lot you know, Twilight. It’s always a good time for a prank!”

Twilight giggled. “Okay, I’m a novice. But I’m learning!”

“You’re learning fast,” said Rainbow Dash, “and I love how imaginative it is. Who in all of Equestria would even think of giving Fluttershy, of all ponies, a big monster stallion cock?” She hastily added, “I mean, for her to fuck with? No, I mean outside of her usual way…” and she trailed off, surrounded by snickering unicorns. “Ahh, never mind!”

---

Zecora hesitated, approaching the cottage. Her ears laid back, involuntarily.

It wasn’t about the sack she carried, either. That was bad enough, but no. It was him.

It wasn’t even that Dursaa could be expected to have traditional male zebra attitudes. He surely objected to her. Herb doctors were traditionally male, but in the Everfree Forest close to Ponyville such things didn’t matter… at least, not until a traditionalist zebra stallion came to town.

No, it was another thing, one she’d only heard of third-hoof but which shook her terribly.

It had been a quiet evening, and she’d been returning home from a shopping trip to Ponyville when she heard the ponies gossiping.

“Oh my gosh, Applejack, you’re not going to believe this! Twilight said Fluttershy has a fiercely churning crack!”

It had been Rainbow Dash, bringing a juicy bit of pony chatter to her marefriend. Zecora’s jaw had dropped. To say such rude things about the pegasus she adored! But Applejack was already talking. “Why, Dashie, you’re right: I ain’t believin’ a word of it. Twi would never say such-like. What’s th’ matter with you, ya silly?”

“I swear, Applejack, she did. It was after we got home, remember when Shy and the Princess and Lyra all foaled? We were back in the library. I was about to leave, and Twilight sort of mutters, ‘I bet her crack won’t be so fiercely churning for a while’.”

“Really?” Applejack had said.

“I went, what? and I bugged her until she admitted she was talking about Fluttershy!” Rainbow had said triumphantly.

“But why in Equestria would she say a thing like that, honey?”

Rainbow had leaned closer to Applejack, and Zecora, listening, had gone totally silent, hoping they wouldn’t notice her eavesdropping.

“Well, it was that zebra! It was him who said it! She’d gone over to their house and she was all rubbing his hooves, you know, typical Fluttershy, and she says he was all smug and they were totally doin’ it with her as a vampire! He liked it that way!”

“No!” Applejack had gasped.

“Aw yeah! And she said that HE said, ‘Between the clever, snakey tongue and fiercely churning crack, a zebra who goes batty surely never will go back!’ Is that crazy or what? And she was all happy with that, too! And then the next thing you know, her water broke and they were all foaling. She’s probably right, Fluttershy must have given it a rest. How do you get your pussy to churn, anyway? Sounds intense! And does she really have a freaky tongue as a vampony?”

“Rainbow, put it this way: thanks for th’ special nightmares Ah’m sure to have, and here’s hopin’ I never get to find out…”

Zecora had had enough. She’d skulked away unnoticed, that evening, and ever since she had cordially loathed Fluttershy’s husband Dursaa. What a typical thick-headed stallion remark! Was she nothing to him but a set of erotic tricks? Was Fluttershy merely a tasty novelty to be carnally used? Revisiting her outrage, Zecora’s nostrils flared and she nearly dropped her sack.

Remembering what was in the sack and what she proposed to ask, Zecora did a double-take and blushed at herself. She did indeed love and care for Fluttershy just as sincerely or more than any one-track-minded stallion clod, but all the same she too was thinking carnal thoughts. She, at least, was bashful about them.

“My reticence embarking on this evening’s lunacy, is hindrance, yes, but proves I do not show hypocrisy…” mused the nervous zebra mare.

There was a stir from inside the cottage. “Who’s there?” cried Fluttershy, sensing a presence out there in the evening gloom.

“Why profess chagrin?” came Dursaa’s voice, lazily. “Go and let them in!”

Zecora glowered. So bossy! Always ordering his mare about as if it wasn’t even Ponyville. Her annoyance was so acute that she missed Fluttershy’s quieter reply, and then in no more than a moment the door was opening and a face looked out and saw her standing there.

It was a stripey face. Two, technically. Dursaa stood at the door, and his little winged colt sat on his head and peeked through his mane.

Zecora relaxed slightly, because it was impossible to stay cranky confronted with that adorable tyke while gazing into his eerie pink eyes, just like Fluttershy’s in her vampire form. He wasn’t a vampire foal, but he’d got the eyes somehow. He made them look even cuter than Fluttershy did. Dursaa, by comparison, seemed troubled.

“Miss Zecora, into Ponyville I see you roam. What has brought your wayward hooves to this, my happy home?”

Zecora’s ears flattened. She thought, your home? It’s been Fluttershy’s cottage all this time, now it’s yours? And she found herself saying, “This, then, is YOUR property—as agreed by you and she?”

Dursaa stood a little taller. “With my devoted wife, I’ll share both home and life.”

“This is a pony town and theirs are pony ways. I’d like to speak to Fluttershy about something today,” said Zecora firmly.

Dursaa’s eyes widened. “Forgive me if my questioning is importune. I had imagined Fluttershy was quite immune from all the entertainments Ponyville does host. Do you suggest it’s lesbian horses she craves most?”

At this, Fluttershy roused herself from her sofa, and trotted over. “Good evening, Zecora! It’s such a pleasure to see you again. I don’t need a recharge on my mane or tail extensions yet. Have you brought me something in that big sack?”

“Just my private surprise,” muttered Zecora, blushing. She glanced sharply at Dursaa, and little Dursaa balancing on his head. “Not meant for foalish eyes!”

The warning seemed not entirely directed to the baby colt. Big Dursaa’s face fell, and he let out a little whimper, but Fluttershy had already taken the lip of the sack in her mouth, and drawn it gracefully open to peer inside. Her jaw dropped, and the sack flumped to the floor, and before either zebra could react, Fluttershy was hugging her husband, her wings bolt upright.

“Eeee! Oh, honey, you shouldn’t have! I didn’t even think you liked each other though it’s unkind of me to suggest such a thing, and look what you’ve arranged! But you know, in Ponyville we can do better than that, it just takes a little help from some of our magical unicorns. I haven’t even made any inquiries because I’m not really sure how to ask, but I promise first thing tomorrow I’ll go and see Twilight Sparkle! I love you so much, my sweet darling, you did this for me?”

Fluttershy trailed off. Both zebras were nearly stripeless with embarrassment. Zecora’s ears were plastered back against her head in a rage, and Dursaa’s expression was one of abject misery.

“What must be must be, my dearest,” he mumbled, “though on me it’s tough. May I ask, nay, may I beg her not to be too rough?”

“A lot you’d know about such things, oh stallion-stud of male mountings!” retorted Zecora, hotly.

Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “But how could you say that, Dursaa, don’t you remember our conversation? I thought we’d talked about my needs…”

Dursaa trembled, staring at Zecora. “Your things I abhor. Depart from my door!”

“With bliss seraphic,” snarled Zecora, “you big stupid pr…”

“STOP it!” demanded Fluttershy, outraged. “What’s the matter with you two? Dursaa, do you mean to tell me this is not your special present just for me? Because you’re not acting very nice to my old friend! And, in case you hadn’t noticed, you’re standing inside MY door and anyone who enters this house can be expected to be kind!”

Dursaa sagged. “I’ll try to be benevolent. Just… why’s it her for which you sent?”

“Oh, never mind. My gift’s maligned,” said Zecora. “Go find recourse with your big horse. You needn’t look for glee, from the mere likes of me.” She turned, seething, shamed and despairing, to go.

She didn’t get far. Her tail was held so low it dragged the floor, and before she’d gone a step she yanked to a halt, as Fluttershy had stepped on it.

“Zecora, come back,” ordered Fluttershy with gentle firmness. “I don’t understand what’s happening here but we need to talk. Has Dursaa not asked you to come with your toy after all? Dursaa, please take little Dursaa upstairs now!”

Big Dursaa trembled, and then burst out, “Nay, my love! I must resist this madness on your mind, somehow I must force your hoof and let wisdom prevail! Nay, don’t ask this wicked mare to practice acts unkind, and with ebon wooden object wreck your little tail!”

Zecora’s eyes widened in outrage. She drew a deep breath fit for at least twelve stanzas. Fluttershy turned to Dursaa, ready to scold him. Dursaa stood his ground…

A feathery head poked around the edge of the door. Gilda the Griffin peered in. She was shaking in fear, which showed in her voice as she said, “Um. Is this not a good time?”

Three sets of pony eyes flew wide.

“You!” squeaked Fluttershy. “Gilda, you were supposed to go far away! What are you doing here?”

Trembling, the massive predator slunk over the threshold, as both zebras stared.

She gave a nervous little laugh. “Er… I guess if I was Dash I could say, ‘you!’. Uh, if, if, if, if,” stammered Gilda, “if you’ll fuck me?”

Zecora and Dursaa exchanged a horrified glance.

Fluttershy’s expression, already cross, darkened further. “Anypony ELSE planning to turn up and be difficult?”

“Hello, hello! I smelled the most wonderful piquant chaos. For me?” said Discord, poking his draconequus head around the edge of the still-open door.

Fluttershy exploded. “EEEEEEEE!” she squealed. “GET OUT! All you rude cranky weird things having fights in my beautiful home, go away until you can be nice!” She hopped up and down, beside herself.

Zecora whinnied shrilly and ran for it, leaving her sack behind. Dursaa whirled and thundered up the stairs to the bedroom, kicking the door closed, all the while keeping his colt balanced carefully on top of his head. Gilda bristled out in all directions, let out a hideous yowl, and blasted past Discord in a feline streak to the safety of outdoors, where she promptly climbed a tree.

Discord simply quirked his eyebrows in surprise, staring at the little and adorably raging vampony. “Is it that time of the month? It hadn’t occurred to me that alone could bring the spirit of chaos upon you, but on reflection it makes perfect sense. I know my own experiences as an alicorn mare have been most instructive in that regard.” He flounced in, and petted Fluttershy’s mane. “Deep breaths, my lovely! There you go!”

Fluttershy panted. She allowed him to smooth her mane, for her anger had caused it to become ragged and vampire-like. “What are you doing here, Discord?”

“But I told you. I smelled the chaos. It was marvellous! Was it good for you, too?”

“No, it wasn’t,” said Fluttershy decidedly. “Oh, Discord! I’m sure it’s my fault, I should never have told my husband what I really wanted, but I did and now everything has gone all wrong!”

Outside, they heard Gilda let out a wail of dismay, and fly up out of the tree and off into the Everfree Forest, leaving them in relative peace.

“Say it’s not so!” protested Discord. “Not to my favorite ephemeral! Except you’re not even, you’re far more interesting than that. We might be friends for ages and ages until some bright spark stakes you through the heart!”

Fluttershy pouted. “Twilight tried that. It didn’t work.”

“Whatever is the matter, Fluttershy my dear? It wrings my heart to see you moping this way!”

“First tell me what you’re doing here,” insisted Fluttershy. “I thought you were in Canterlot now! And why are you Discord again? I thought you were seeing Princess Celestia, and being another alicorn mare!”

“Oh, I am,” said Discord. “But Celly’s having some unicorns over to visit and thought it was a good time for me also to go visiting. Naturally, my first thought was to visit the wonderful friend who loved and accepted me even at my randomest, and how delightful to discover you’ve made me a snack!”

Fluttershy blinked. “I haven’t cooked anything. I haven’t had Dursaa cook anything, either.”

“The chaos, my dear,” reminded Discord. “As I said: delicious!”

“I didn’t make that!” protested Fluttershy.

Discord gave her a knowing look. “I’m almost certain you said you’ve told your husband what you really wanted. Whilst that is laudable and terribly optimistic, I fear it’s also an ideal recipe for chaos and strife. I’m sorry, did I say fear? I adore that it’s also an ideal recipe for chaos. I did enjoy it, was it too much trouble to make? I’m full, in case you’re wondering. It was such rich chaos.” He belched a small pink mushroom politely, and watched it turn into an adjustable crescent wrench with ears and spectacles, and then into a puff of smoke.

Fluttershy gazed forlornly at him, her lip quivering.

“You needn’t make more,” added Discord. “I’m good.”

At this, Fluttershy trembled, then burst into tears, gazing at her strange old draconequus friend. Discord squawked in dismay and bent to hug her, embracing the little vampony tenderly. “Fluttershy, sweetest of ponies, kindest of hearts! What is this?”

“I’m not!” she sobbed. “I’m bad! And I can’t get what I want, what I need! It’s so awkward and they just won’t listen and they wouldn’t ever understand, it’s pointless to try and explain it…”

Her tearful eyes widened. A leonine paw pressed her lips, hushing her protests.

“Tell ME,” said Discord gently, a twinkle in his eye.

“How could that even help?” sniffled Fluttershy.

That got her a sarcastic eyebrow-waggle and a “Please! Don’t insult me! Haven’t you learned the extent of my powers?”

Fluttershy pouted. “But… it’s sort of a vampire thing.” She winced. “It’s so twisted and wrong, but I can’t help it. I’m ashamed, Discord.”

He winked. “Go on, tell me. Nobody here but us monsters, right?”

At that, Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “Oooh. That’s right. You promise you won’t be horrified? Everypony is so horrified and I can’t bear it.”

“That depends on how I parse your request,” said Discord cheerfully. “I could turn into something horrifying for you. Then I would be horrified, but it might help you feel the depths of my monstrosity. Would you like that? I could become a…”

“No thank you,” said Fluttershy in haste. She snuggled into the crook of his lion arm. It was warmer than the bird arm, and she needed that, needed not to call on dark vampiric ways to warm the chill of herself. For a moment, she tried to pretend she was just a cold sad pony without the ability to call upon fevered deceptive heat from some evil undead source.

“Very good,” purred Discord, snuggling her closer. “Now, fess up. What’s got the cute little pony so upset, hmmm?”

Shy rubbed her eye with a hoof. “I want my husband up the butt. But he won’t do it.”

Discord chuckled richly. “Kinky! Just that?”

“No,” added Fluttershy. “I want double zebra. Since you asked. But I have to use my magic very much to recover from it, and I’m not sure that’s right. Is that okay? I wish I didn’t have to bother recovering, but nopony is going to let me have it my way, so I’d better.”

“Fluttershy,” said Discord, “what consenting ponies do with each other is their business. Why, I remember back when I lived as a glorious unicorn stallion—you mightn’t believe it, but I did that.” He waggled his eyebrows. “With Celly. All you’ve got to do is go carefully, so you don’t do the happy lady an injury, perhaps with some form of lubrication…”

“No!” squeaked Fluttershy, blushing. “I mean, ew, with the Princess? Please don’t talk any more about that. But also, you’re not understanding! I don’t want him to go carefully.”

Discord blinked, startled. “You don’t?”

“No!”

He squeed in delight. “Eeee! Oh, you clever thing, you’re positively rolling with your monstrosity, aren’t you? Of course, you’re a vampire, he can’t kill you twice! Fluttershy, you magnificent slut, that’s some epic sensation play. You’d like two of them? I could clone the one you’ve got, if you like. Just say the word. Would you like them larger, or with multiple penises?”

Down the stairs, a dark solitary figure began to creep. It trembled, but didn’t turn back. Dursaa had heard the crying, and ensuing conversation, and he was determined to be there and support his impossible, confusing, undead wife.

“Oh, no,” said Fluttershy miserably. “That’s no good. I love him as he is, which is part of the problem. There’s another zebra I can try and talk to, but she’s mad at me now, I think.”

“Oh, I know!” said Discord. “I’ll lend you Crowbar! Did you ever see him? He’s not very bright. I keep him happy in my Chaos form through using chaos magic to reshape myself, and Celly sometimes enjoys him when I’m not around. He’s perfect for you, Fluttershy!”

“How?”

“Why, he’s the sweetest little horse ever, but strong as an ox with a simply titanic penis! If you let him mount you, he will be as affectionate as you could wish, but all the same he’s bound to do you a lot of exciting injury! We can try to wrap you securely in tape in case you burst when he comes. I’m sure that wouldn’t kill you either but it would be a lot of trouble to clean up!”

Two ponies wailed in distress at this suggestion. One was Dursaa, his mind reeling at such a horrible fate for his beloved.

The other was snuggled in Discord’s lion arm.

“You don’t understand!” protested Fluttershy, crying again. “How is it so difficult to explain?”

“But I promise, all the while he’s doing it he will be as tender and loving as can be. Rather disturbing, really, but he doesn’t understand what he’s doing inside a mare, poor thing.”

“Nooo! I don’t want tender and loving!” protested Fluttershy. “I don’t deserve that, I’m evil, I want them to hurt and punish me! I should be terribly injured and left to die!” She stopped, and pouted. “Except I can’t! Can you help me get punished in some very extreme way even if my husband won’t cooperate?”

Discord had gone pale. He licked his lips. “Erm. I would suggest consulting Rarity, dear, but I see a more fundamental problem…”

Down the stairs thundered Dursaa, all subterfuge abandoned. He ran up, and grovelled on the ground before Discord and Fluttershy, weeping openly.

“No! Do not speak this way, my lovely bride! How can you be so damn bereaved inside, and give sweet voice to sickness of the mind? Oh, Fluttershy, how can you be so blind?”

She stared at him, drinking in his misery, her face falling more and more. Behind her head, Discord’s deep voice spoke softly.

“Seconded,” he said.

Fluttershy’s lip quivered. “But you just don’t understand. I need this. It keeps me in check.”

Discord just looked at her for a moment. She fidgeted, flapped her lovely wings, and then, reluctantly, listened.

“I think it’s you that doesn’t understand,” he said. “Look at me! Look at my form, loathed by so many, yet from you I got nothing but love. Look around you, all the happy little animals and things, cared for and cherished by you. Look at this fine big zebra fellow you take to bed. Good eye, by the way, do you lend him out, hm?”

“He wouldn’t,” said Fluttershy with a kind of despair. “I don’t even control him but it’s just as if I did. He won’t.”

“He loves you,” said Discord. Dursaa’s pleading eyes underscored every word.

Fluttershy winced. “No…”

“Don’t you love him?”

Fluttershy shuddered worse. The tears started up again. “How I love him…”

“I’m going to talk to Celly when I get back to Canterlot,” mused Discord. “I think she may be better at this sort of healing nonsense than I am, and you deserve the best healing we can get, my dear. Not only that, I think ‘sweet fat and stripey’ here deserves it as well…”

At this, Dursaa blinked his tearful eyes. “That is puzzling: one like me, accused of obesity?”

Discord smirked. “My alicorn form, shall we say, enjoys a bit of girth in her stallions. Never mind. Fluttershy! Don’t cry. We’re going to try and straighten your poor head out. Mind you, I enjoy the sheer chaos emanating from it but it’s making you unhappy and we can’t have that. My good zebra sir!”

“Erm… yes?” said Dursaa, hanging on Discord’s every word.

“I can see in your eyes how much you love this dear little mare. Quite understand, really, I’ve felt that way about Celly since before your grandfather was born. May I conclude that you enjoy physical intimacies. and that they are well?”

Dursaa trembled. “My love’s delights are wondrous, the fairest of the fair. Yet she insists on turning from them like they were not there. I want to love her truest self, but all the time she’ll feign this simple pony form: this even though it brings her pain!”

Discord’s eye was sharp. “Ah! So, our little vampony doesn’t want lovemaking in her natural form, but you do?”

“From the cute little fangs to the scraggle tail, nothing about my love could ever go stale,” breathed Dursaa earnestly.

Discord quirked an eyebrow, as Fluttershy began to pout and blush. “Hmm. And you say in her real form, she’s not experiencing pain with you?”

Dursaa wiped a tear. “This zebra thinks your questioning begins to make him flinch… but yes, my darling’s truest self can relish every inch.”

Discord’s jaw dropped. He gawked at Fluttershy. “You never told me that! Is he making it up? Does that mean you’ve got sort of chaos powers of your own? What exactly is he…”

Fluttershy thrashed, and got loose from Discord’s cuddlesome embrace. She glared. “Discord! These things are private, stop asking my husband about them!”

“Well, it got you to stop moping,” Discord shot back, “and it’s simply fascinating! My dear, as a creature who can work similar tricks I have to wonder if you’ve gone totally mad to turn your cute little nose up at such pleasures. He’s hilting in you and you’d rather do him in pony form and be injured every time?”

Fluttershy sulked. “It’s personal and you’re not understanding and you make it sound bad…”

“Enough!” decreed Discord. “We’ll return and revisit this. Celestia will help you make sense of it. If you really do need to experience some heavy sensory-play or even the feelings of punishment, I’m nearly certain that Rarity can come to your aid there, and we can persuade all the zebras you wish, or transform them if necessary. We’ll work on this. I think Mister Stripey here is a bit of a Pony Scout, honestly: sir, you need to learn some things about mares or you’ll always be the colt next door. Perhaps not: you’re pretty well fixed as it stands. Do you understand me, sir? What’s his name, Fluttershy? I’ve forgotten it. Ephemerals, you know.”

“Dursaa,” said Fluttershy softly. “He is Dursaa, and he is my husband. He claimed me, just as I was. He didn’t turn away.”

“Well, then, Mister Dursaa, we’ll talk to you and knock some sense into that stripey head. I’m actually surprised, it’s not usually difficult to persuade male zebras to be dominant and conquer their mares. They are rather patriarchical, don’t always mix well with ponykind. Your Mister Dirtball is a zebra of a different stripe, wanting to be all lovey-dovey like that. Never fear! In time we’ll have him giving you a real jolt just how you like it! But I’ve got different, and more immediate advice for you, Fluttershy. This fellow Durable, he wants to make sweet love to your vampire form, yes?”

“He does,” sulked Fluttershy, “and I’ve tried to explain why he should not…”

“Let him,” interrupted Discord, sternly.

“I don’t think you understand what…”

“No!” said Discord. “Listen to me, Fluttershy. As one monster to another, remember? Let him.”

Fluttershy opened her mouth, saw the look in Discord’s eye, didn’t speak.

“Thank you,” he said. “I don’t think you quite understand your situation, or his. We know you can’t be injured, and he’s going to have to come to terms with that if you want spice and danger in your lovemaking. But you need to come to terms with your Mister Durrface’s ephemerality, Fluttershy. I am telling you that you’ll be sorry if you don’t. You are going to leave him behind. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that, as much as you love him, he’s always got to do it your way?”

Fluttershy trembled, tearing up.

“You’re not even equine if you can’t enjoy it his way,” said Discord. “Which you’re not, of course, but I think you know what I mean. I don’t have to imagine, I’ve had that sort of thing. It’s your emotional issues getting in the way. The fact that you love each other makes it even worse! It must be phenomenal, albeit terribly intimate. No wonder you’re both rather whiney and overdramatic. I think you’re capable of responding to him the way he wants you to be, and it’s your hangups about being a vampire that are the problem.”

Fluttershy pouted. Dursaa couldn’t even breathe, watching the battle of wills. It didn’t worry him that the contest was between Fluttershy and her monstrous friend. Deferring to Fluttershy didn’t feel wrong to him, and so he waited.

“You’re asking a lot,” said Fluttershy at last.

“Do you love him, or don’t you?” said Discord.

Fluttershy set her jaw. “I love him. All right. I will.”

“I now pronounce you stallion and monster!” cried Discord, clapping paw and claw together. Glittery fireworks burst forth, spelling out “AND THEN THEY FUCKED” only to dissipate. He beamed fondly at the sulky, tearful couple.

“Well?” he said. “You promised.”

“Dursaa?” quavered Fluttershy.

“Yes, my love?”

“Kick his butt out!”

So many things had been baffling and complicated. This was not. With a snort, Dursaa reared and charged at the no-longer-welcome houseguest, who responded with a squeal of delight and disappeared in a poof of chaos that formed the word “YAY” and was gone.

Fluttershy and Dursaa looked at each other.

“I’m so sorry,” said Fluttershy helplessly.

At that, Dursaa’s face began to crumble into grief. “Oh, Fluttershy. You had… to lie?”

“I didn’t say that. I… give me a minute. I’ll be brave.”

Dursaa’s eyes lit with excitement. “Really?”

“Shhh,” she said. “Discord is right. I love you. Um… you can undress me. If you want.”

His heart began to pound, and all thought of civilized rhyming left him, and he took a step toward her.

“Will you… like it?” he breathed. “It has been so long.”

Fluttershy visibly shuddered. She gazed into space with a haunted look. Another shudder rocked her, and Dursaa saw her pussy wink out, hard. “Oh, yes,” she said. “Oh, yes. I will like it.” The haunted look didn’t leave her, but her eyes seemed to already be glazing with lust.

Dursaa stepped forward again, and took the enchanted mane extension in his teeth. Slowly, he pulled the magical contrivance away from his bride, his heart pounding harder, eyes rapt as his beloved’s mane seemed to bristle out and become more ragged, wilder, more passionate…

---

Fluttershy’s heart didn’t pound. It didn’t need to.

As her zebra husband drew away the tail extension, she felt that familiar surge. For a moment, she stood, defying it, a female creature who didn’t have to answer to her urges or anything like that, and the chill struck into her and she welcomed it, welcomed the calmness of her own death, so soothing and patient and restful.

She gasped. Dursaa was tenderly licking, not her vampire vagina, but her cutie marks. The real ones, the ones that were pink bats.

As he did, the flesh under his tongue went from chilly to warm—not from his body heat. She felt the energy gathering. It rippled across her skin, from where he’d touched her.

“HHHhhh!”

He’d bent down and kissed her, there. It was like the casting of a spell, and in some mysterious way it was. He was not her thrall… but something inside her kicked in, and a flood of warmth seemed to gush into her like a jet of hot water into an icy bath. It went right up her, warming her dainty pussy, plunging in with a cozy glow that was the most delicious sensation imaginable, and for a moment Fluttershy just shivered, baring her teeth in sharp ecstacy, cute fangs glinting against the light.

She shut her mouth determinedly, while she could. It wasn’t going to be possible for much longer. She would be singing his song like a dark angel, soon enough.

Just like that, he’d mounted. He was all stallion, all right: not for Dursaa, the extended foreplay of lesbian mares. He’d not learned it, and Fluttershy had not tried to teach him. But for all that, Dursaa’s personality still came through, and never more than at such moments.

Tenderly, lovingly, his massive stallion cock prodded her. It never hurried. He was thinking of how she felt, though he couldn’t really understand.

That wasn’t his fault. She was two different mares, and wildly inconsistent, and in every form she either experienced or feigned obscene pleasures beyond mortal pony. He could only guess what was going on.

As he prodded, Fluttershy’s vagina swelled and heated, melting against him, exuding a slippery nectar, and this wasn’t so out of the ordinary for a mare but Fluttershy could feel herself giving in to it, could feel it going beyond what mortal mares could do…

She made a little croaking noise. Behind her, where the stallion-cock prodded, she’d just felt her pussy melt and part, as if physically sucking the head into herself. He moaned as if the sensation surpassed anything imaginable, and even then he did not plunge heedlessly into her. Dursaa had no real sense of her proportions and didn’t show caution on that account, it was just that his idea of lovemaking was… deliberate.

Slowly, Dursaa began to enter her, and Fluttershy banged the floor with a forehoof, panting and wild-eyed.

It wasn’t that he hurt. She’d have welcomed hurt. That felt equine—mortal. Instead, it felt like her pussy being filled with celestial fire. Every placid inch illuminated her, filled her body with scintillating energy.

Fluttershy squeaked, and Dursaa grunted. She’d clenched onto him, her pussy locking down with un-equine strength. It didn’t feel cramped upon him, it felt like being seized by some loving and powerful force. She shuddered, a gush of slick fluid emanating from her walls. The disconcerting thing about those clenches was their suction. They pulled him in, where a natural pony would tend to squeeze him out doing that.

She began to hyperventilate, for it was always the same, how it went. The lust, the energy seemed to swirl within her, a dark vortex eager to play its games. Dursaa’s loving forelegs tightened upon her…

Fluttershy let out a ghastly, obscene shriek, as Dursaa’s hips swung easily forward to press his crotch against her rump. She held her wild-eyed pose for a moment, frozen in shock and joy. Deep inside her, his zebra cock’s medial ring bulged her vaginal walls with its neat firm ridge.

She, the cute little vampony with the scruffy mane, had taken a giant zebra cock literally to the hilt in one fluid motion. Dursaa had never learned this was impossible. He was as tender as always, but from the first time he’d been inside Fluttershy’s vampire form, he’d pushed deeper and deeper, always yearning for a little more of that intimacy.

And, just as she had the first time, Fluttershy felt her body suck him in and keep going, and the numbingly powerful surge of vampiric energy had kicked in, and the next thing she knew, her seething and impassioned vagina reached nearly to her unbeating heart.

It had been a terrible shock the first time it had happened. Nobody’d told Fluttershy about the seductive qualities of vampire mares, the instincts to take in the male and give him more than any mortal ever could. She’d had no choice in the matter. Her undead body had taken over, and Dursaa had done the rest.

Fluttershy stared wildly at the wall, feeling her beloved clasp her so sweetly, feeling his stallionhood throb within her. It nearly split her pelvis, yet there was no pain. Her vampire magic wouldn’t let her feel pain, even as his mammoth cockbase pried her so wide and shoved her rump-cheeks apart. She jolted, clenching on him, feeling her butt squeeze the sides of his shaft. It felt so alive, so horribly, obscenely alive. She drew a shaking breath, and jolted again, feeling herself sucking him in even though there was no more cock to bury within herself…

Dursaa groaned, and began to work his hips, keeping that enormous cock always hilted in her, but delivering increasingly eager shoves.

Fluttershy’s hooves rattled on the ground. She let out breathy, lurid shrieks, feeling that vast bulk begin to churn back and forth, surging within her helpless body, always with that eerie absence of pain. Instead, it just goaded her on, fed the swirling forces that coursed through her and flooded her body and battered her mind with insidious, savage pleasure.

The way of the seductive vampire mare was to be fully, utterly swept up in the experience. Her body was not going to leave her a cool, calculating bystander. That was the dreadful part. The seduction of it cut both ways. Fluttershy fought against the waves, even as Dursaa’s cock seemed to nuzzle her breastbone.

She didn’t have to beat her heart. His was pounding for her, and she felt it in every vein. His heartbeat thumped in eager throbs against her insides, beat against the slick juices that made her whole body feel like excited fluid in a pony-shaped bag. She was an ocean, she was a wave, he was the earth against which she washed, a rock around which she broke and reformed…

Dursaa began to whimper with pleasure, his eyes squeezed shut. He started to draw his hips further back each thrust, only to plunge to the hilt again with a juicy slap.

Fluttershy screamed, a ghoulish cry of agony-ecstacy. She’d become a whirlpool, a mad storm of erotic excitement flaring higher and higher and higher.

“Come for me,” moaned Dursaa, pumping her.

Fluttershy shrieked, shaking her head, kicking the floor, clenching against his cock with ass-cheeks like steel.

“Come for me!” moaned Dursaa, tensing.

Fluttershy came.

With ungodly screams, shaking like she was in the jaws of an angry timberwolf, Fluttershy exploded in orgasm. Her pussy churned and clenched, going berserk on Dursaa’s cock like nothing natural ever could. Her mind was blown apart by incandescent pleasure that seared all rational thought from her dead brain, and she thrashed and writhed like a wild griffin as Dursaa jabbed deep inside with his last, eager, awed thrusts.

As Dursaa orgasmed and gushed zebra-come endlessly into her, Fluttershy slowly collapsed like a house being demolished. Her eyes, unseeing, took on a stricken look. Her scruffy ears, mane, tail seemed to bristle out. Her screams went breathless, then haunting—long, yearning howls of pleasure that seemed to flood her as surely as her zebra husband flooded her shuddering body with his come.

Slowly, the couple sagged, until they rested twitching on the floor. Fluttershy’s body was feverishly hot, limp like jelly, the heat radiating from her leathery wings. She couldn’t breathe, from the intensity of the sensations that still jolted her: still feeling every heartbeat through Dursaa’s deeply buried cock, her butt squeezing languidly at the base of his shaft. He slid it a bit deeper, and Fluttershy shook and shuddered all over, with a sweet little cry she couldn’t withhold.

The warm darkness rose up and enfolded both lovers in a blood-red shroud, and they both swooned from sheer carnal pleasure.

Fluttershy’s eyelids flickered. She was the most sated, gloriously full mare in all Equestria. She stirred, feeling like molten jelly, savoring the heavy weight of her husband upon her. He was the most wonderful thing ever, wrapped around her, still sunk so deeply into her body, still erect from her magic’s influence, his head sprawled exhaustedly over hers.

Lovingly, Fluttershy nuzzled him, her eyes glowing with affection. Nothing could ever, ever feel this good. Everything was just perfect. She didn’t have to think, almost couldn’t. All she had to do was feel. With a gentle, graceful motion, Fluttershy turned her head, Dursaa’s neck against her dainty muzzle. Lovingly, she bared her fangs, and lovingly she

no

no!!!

NO.

Fluttershy paled. She closed her mouth, and she began to shiver.

Dursaa wriggled, the weight of his body seeming to knead hers effortlessly under him. He took a breath, and yawned.

He murmured, besottedly, “Was it good for you too?”

Fluttershy stared fixedly at the wall, a tragic look in her eyes, and felt the chill sneaking back into her body. Slowly, a cute little tear appeared, dripped down her face, and was gone.

“Yes, my love,” she said, so gently. “It was.”

And for the rest of the night, he held her so close, so close and tight and warm, and she did not try to leave.